Shadows of a Reflection

If we gave you the Truth of what was Given,

We know you could never understand even,

If it were laid out before you: the past and present,

And future.  Because you conceive the Self ascent.

When nothing arisen and nothing had descended,

Because you imagine that there was movement,

When in fact there was nothing you intended.

No power and no strength; nothing you meant.

You speak of intentions as if you know it well,

When in truth, you could not understand that

Which was from other than the Self - to dwell

Upon matters of the Heart and what deeds beget.

So here we say what you will learn eventually.

That Heart of the Believer He Dwells within.

But there is no mu’min except al-Mu’min actually.

And the Heart you tear is yours with sin.

The arrogance of Separation has clouded you

And made you heedless so that you will learn

That there is a price to pay for forgetting to do

That which was Promised – to Remember and Yearn.

You imagine there is a ‘me’ and there is a ‘you’.

You see everything by the light and deception.

You do not see the Light by which you do

See all that is mere shadows of a Reflection

Terence Nunis

Forever Dreamless

I see clearer now.  Looking back it’s true.

But the eyes are purple and the world is blue.

And I realise that in the end, I always knew.

I have always seen beneath the wrapping the real you.

Some days I think I am fine and some days I am sad.

Some days perhaps I am sane.  Some other days I am mad.

Sometimes I remembered I loved you and you were my world

Other days I don’t and watched our dreams unfurl.

Some days I am strong with empty faith and forlorn hope.

Some days I am broken and bleeding and living is beyond the scope.

Sometimes I remember what I once was, and how it could be.

And then I am sober again and it hurts when I know what would be.

I think the nights are too long and I cannot sleep for pain.

I think the days are too bright - I pray for rain again and again.

I want it to rain a thousand oceans and wash this world away.

I want it deluged in a thousand storms for I lack the tears to portray.

I cannot eat so I fast and I never want to break it.

I’ve walked this road before - so how again can I take it?

I wear that darkness like a shroud and the world is darker than grey.

I know the path, the cutting rocks and the hearts that bleed away.

I hold the shattered goblet with bitter tears to the brim.

I am small and apathetic and melancholic and the world is a whim;

Of heartless laughter and tormented souls and howling winds;

Of cutting words and shattered dreams and hungry fiends.

I don’t sing anymore.  And I’ll never draw your portrait again.

I don’t write songs and the words don’t rhyme like they should - just pain.

I don’t feel happy or sad.  I don’t laugh or cry with feeling.

Just numbness and more pain when I thought I shouldn’t be feeling.

Perhaps this time if I prayed, He would Listen and Grant me this:

A thousand cuts for every cut and yet your pain is not my bliss.

Perhaps I should ask for oblivion - the Angel of Death, I would kiss.

Perhaps I am standing on the ledge staring at nothing but the abyss.

The breathing a chore - I don’t want to wake up from the bed.

I just want to sleep forever - I crave the silence after all that’s said.

I just want to close my eyes and never see the sun again.

I want to dream forever dreamless and never know this pain.

Terence Nunis